Gold+ Patron members can connect with me directly through email!
Here’s how it works:
If you aren’t sure how to start your message to me, answer this question:
What’s the problem?
That’s it! It’s a simple question that leads to all sorts of inner dialogue. Just start writing as if you were answering that question and get into as much or as little detail as you want.
A little insight on my process…
I respond “in sequence” to your email. What that means is that I comment directly to your words in the order you wrote them. I use color to differentiate my text from yours so make sure you can read emails in color (some phones may convert your email to plain text which removes the color and font). Sometimes I answer through audio too – so don’t be surprised if you get an audio attachment of me talking to you.
Here’s an example of an email chain I might have with you (my responses to this person are in blue).
I hope you’re doing well. Thank you so much!
I dated a woman for a month a little over 5 years ago. It turns out she was so manipulative. Within a few weeks I broke up with her. She got angry but calmed down after a few weeks. She then reached out to me several times trying to be friends since then.
I don’t want to be friends with her – I want her to go away.
Some of our mutual friends have started taking her side because she convinced them that I misunderstood her. Now she’s getting invited to their parties and I’m being excluded. My friends think we should get back together but I want no part of that! But I also don’t want to lose my friends in the process.
This is a tough situation. The most manipulative people only get exposed as manipulative when you are in the relationship with them. Friends rarely, if ever, see the manipulation because they are not as close as the one in the relationship. With your friends siding with her over you, it seems there is favoritism going on. Were they her friends to begin with? There might be a loyalty there that is unbreakable.
Manipulative people actually make very good friends most of the time, but they make AWFUL romantic partners. They can get away with bad behavior with their friends because they are not close enough to see it. But in a romantic relationship, they are totally revealed after the first month or two.
Your friends will only see the one side she wants them to see. When manipulators are in a relationship, all sides of them get exposed and it’s a lot harder to hide every single aspect of themselves for sure.
Under pressure and promises that she wasn’t the same person, I decided to go on a date with her to figure out if she may have actually changed. The date went great! She brought me a nice card, complimented my appearance, and even apologized for her previous behavior. She was so nice in every way, it really felt like perhaps she was a different person.
If she was truly manipulative before, and she hadn’t come to some sort of enlightening moment and realized she needed healing from that old behavior, you need to stay very observant and aware that it could come back just like before. I don’t say this to make you paranoid because if she really has changed, that would be terrific! My only concern is that manipulative people know how to put on the charm and tell you exactly what you want to hear so that you will gain their trust again. She may be 100% genuine but it’s too soon to lower your defenses.
However, we went on a second date and I saw a glimpse (more like a giant slice) of what I saw in her many years ago.
Ah, got it. That is definitely concerning. If she was just putting on an act to gain your trust, you will be less likely to resist her manipulation.
She called my mom while we were on our date and asked if we could go over her house to say hi. SHE called MY mom! Without even asking me, she’s making plans for “us”! I told her it upset me that she just made plans for us without even asking. She looked surprised and apologized profusely. She really appeared to be genuinely sorry for doing that. I accepted her apology but I had this bad feeling I was getting sucked into an old pattern.
If she does this kind of behavior mindlessly, you have to be really careful going forward with any type of relationship. I haven’t finished reading your email yet so you may have more to say about what happened next, but seeing an old pattern emerge on the second date is a big red flag. This may be evidence that she learned nothing since then and hasn’t changed a bit. I’ll comment more on this after reading the rest of your email.
The rest of the date went fine. I accepted her apology and we were laughing by the end of the evening so everything seemed back to “normal”. When I drove her home, she told me something that sort of shocked me. She said that when we were dating a few years ago, she…”
Sorry for the cliffhanger 😉 but I just wanted to give you a glimpse of what email coaching is like.
If you have any questions about the process let me know. Otherwise, send me an email and let’s get started!